I have been staring into the distance for some time now, finding it difficult to start the writing process. I write a sentence, then erase it. I get up and move, stretch a little, and return to try again. Still no success. I am experiencing a mini ‘writer’s block’. It is a frustrating process to be going through.
It is not that I am feeling stale or that the view is so boring that it deadens my thinking. In fact, it is the opposite. I am sitting in a garden in a totally new context and have been over-stimulated on both an intellectual and emotional level. I feel excited, over-charged and dreamy, all wrapped into one. All in all, it is an energetic state that does not seem to be conducive to creative writing.
In addition to this, I am having to deal with this unreasonable part of myself that is putting pressure on me to produce something meaningful.
I have so many thoughts and feelings to deal with, all crying out for attention at the same time. But all of this potentiality comes to nothing, since I find it impossible to follow a single train of thought in a logical way and to its natural conclusion. It seems such a waste. There is so much energy to harness, yet I have so little to show for it. I feel like a rugby team that has all the possession of the ball, yet is unable to translate this into actual points on the board. In such matches, you can get yourself into a dreaded downward spiral, where you work against yourself and become your worst enemy.
My usual pattern of when and where I do my writing has been disrupted. Disruptions are not always bad. In fact, I am experiencing a pleasant disorientation at the moment – I am in Richmond, Virginia, about 14000Km from my usual surroundings. I arrived three days ago and am visiting my son who has been living in Richmond for four years.
Since I am staying with him (and not in a hotel), I will have an opportunity to experience the community more intimately. Part of finding my new rhythm is to establish a routine of running. Running will offer me the opportunity to: (a) explore and absorb my new surroundings, and (b) allow my thoughts time to settle into a coherent whole. I am hoping that this will help neutralise any future writer’s block from developing. But maybe a more simple solution will be to just put my pen on hold over the next three weeks.