Moving into an uncertain future

In my previous article on vision and framing, I took a predominantly past-orientated perspective of how we construct frames around our experiences, and in particular, around our problems.

In this article,  I would like to focus on the power of how you can use frames to create and mold a meaningful future for yourself.

Walking into an uncertain future

By nature, the future is both uncertain and unpredictable. From an evolutionary perspective, a range of possibilities (outcomes) may exist in the future, but nothing is definite. However, the potentiality of these outcomes are influenced and determined by what has unfolded in the past and what is presently occurring in the present.

As part of creating a frame or focus for your future, you need to consciously prime yourself to move into your future with optimism. You can do this by activating an internal process that playfully entertains possibilities that have not yet materialised, but which you can see or imagine.

During play, children transport themselves into a new domain of experience through the power of fantasy and imagination. When next you watch children play, see how easily they are transport themselves into a ‘new place’ during play. Imagination is the vehicle for the transportation.

In consulting with elite athletes, I create frames for future performance through the process of visualisation. This helps to transport the athlete into the future in a way that conditions the mind to be prepared for an upcoming competitive event. An expectancy of how the future will unfold is very much part of the visualisation.

Meditation and mindfulness help a person mentally connect to the present moment that is unfolding. While these processes do not provide actual frames with which to guide you into your future, they paradoxically open up the future for you by asking you to carefully notice the present moment unfolding before you (be it on a mental, emotional or physical level). This heightens an inner awareness that assists you in dealing with life’s demands more effectively. As a spin-off, you will begin to feel more emotionally relaxed about your future, thus neutralising the anxiety that tends to get activated when dealing with uncertainty.

There are times, when I will sit and write a reflection about a particular experience. As part of the reflection, I will tease out what I have learned, as well as, consider possibilities of what else could have unfolded, or what I may have done differently to facilitate a different outcome. In particular, I look at my patterns of behaviour that may have blocked me from achieving what I had set out to do. This helps heighten my awareness regarding my own functioning, offering me alternatives of how to interact in the future. This is how journalling or reflective writing offers a frame of how to move into the future more effectively.

Finally, I believe that your perceptions of what you think your future may hold are determined by your philosophy of life (see my article on viewing life through your personal lens). This philosophy is self-recursive; connecting your experiences with your beliefs and assumptions in an ongoing, unfolding way. On another level, your personal philosophy also influences your anticipations and expectations of your future. Do you have a general feeling of optimism as you journey in your life? Do you see yourself as having the necessary courage to walk into an uncertain future? (See my article on being optimistic in the struggle).

Framing your vision

Creating and defining the realities that you experience in life, can be likened to taking photographs.

Your mind is full of snap shots. Each of these snap shots are framed, which helps to provide clarity and order in how you see and interpret your experiences. Frames define and direct where you look, helping to give meaning to your experiences.

The frame that you place around a particular snap shot, is self-constructed, and is determined by your beliefs, assumptions and perceptions. Knowing this, will help to liberate you from a restrictive view point, since this realisation will offer you the chance to frame your old snap shots in different ways.

In helping my clients resolve some of their emotional or interpersonal difficulties, I have seen how problems have a way of narrowing their vision. The frame that is placed around ‘the problem’, tends to prevent them from seeing the array of possibilities that exist outside of the frame. The frame acts as a boundary that keeps their eyes rigidly locked into one particular perspective. This tends to tighten and intensify where they look and what they see.

There is an old castle not too far from where I live. A couple of months ago I took a photograph using a wide angle lens. It was a misty morning as I looked south towards the Alps. I decided to do a black and white conversion of the photograph.

Into the distance
Into the distance

Last week, I went back to the old castle and again looked south to see the Alps in the distance. It was a clear morning and as I framed my shot I decided to use a telescopic lens. The early morning sun rays were starting to shine over the tiny village in the foreground.

Into the distance

As a therapist, I have become sensitive not only to how my clients frame their problems but also to how I am framing what I am hearing and seeing in the stories that they are sharing with me. This awareness has helped open up my vistas as I encounter the vast array of complex snap shots being shared with me.

Time and movement in the competitive space

When considering the dynamics of sporting or business performance, one needs to consider time and movement in space. More specifically, a player needs to be mindful of how his/her emotional and energetic state moves while encountering challenges in a competitive environment.

Rowing in stormy weather

In general, the emotional state of a player will move in one of two directions during practice (or during a match) depending on whether or not he is successful in dealing with the stressful challenges. If he is effective in the process, his emotional state will move to a place of optimism, coupled with a sense of freedom on an energetic level. If he struggles and makes mistakes and fails in his efforts, his emotional state will move to a place of pessimism, and his energetic system will tighten. On another level, the energetic system gets stuck during poor performance, with the player feeling totally immobilized.

While consulting with an international athlete, I asked the player to get connected to his present emotional state before entering the competitive space of intense practice. He needed to do a mind/body connection, without judging his energetic state. This offered him internal information as a starting point. In addition, he was asked to share what he was going to work on, on a technical level, during his practice. This provided him with specific clarity as a starting point regarding technique.

During practice, the challenge for the player was to trigger an internal process to move his emotional and energetic state into a more optimistic place when he was performing poorly.

Introducing meaningful information at a critical point in the process is necessary in order to move a player’s energetic and emotional state into a more freer and relaxed place.

But what constitutes meaningful information, and how can the player access it?

On a fundamental level, there are two distinct levels of information that need to be accessed and integrated. Firstly, there is technical information that needs to be incorporated to ensure improved performance. This information exists on the mechanical level of performance. Secondly, there is emotional and energetic information that exists internally. This type of information can be accessed if the player is mindful.

On a coaching level, the skillful and wise coach is able to introduce a meaningful piece of information at a critical point in time, that frees up the tight emotional place that an athlete can find him/herself in, when performing poorly. This information becomes the key that unlocks the internal potential of the player. When this occurs, the coach will see an immediate shift in performance.

There may be times when the coach stops the process and asks the player to take some time out of the competitive space in order to reflect on what is unfolding. This may be enough to create breathing space, so as to allow the necessary movement to occur. However, while this can be done during intense practice, it will not be possible during matches.

In a recent conversation with another elite sportsman, I termed this general movement as one in which the player moves towards the sweet spot during performance.

Struggling to gain credibility

There may be many reasons why an elite sporting team performs poorly over time.

In my experience, the biggest contributing factor in determining whether the team wins or loses over time, is the nature of the leadership and the interpersonal dynamics that envelops the coach. A coach will struggle to motivate, unite and integrate the diversity of ideas within a team if the players experience the coach to be:

  • a bully
  • self-centred
  • non-trusting
  • arrogant
  • inconsiderate
  • disrespectful or demeaning
  • defensive or aggressive

If the players do not feel emotionally safe and are not able to be open and honest with the coach, for fear of reprisal, they will undermine and sabotage whatever the coach says, even if it means losing match after match. When such dynamics exist, the team invariably implodes and goes into a downward spiral. The team will want the coach to fail and will unconsciously or consciously sacrifice its performance to ensure that the coach gains no credit for any achievement or success. As this process intensifies over time, the coach will invariably ‘get fired’ due to the ongoing losses.

This does not only happen, in sporting contexts. It is the nature of human behaviour and can be seen in families, educational settings, work contexts and certainly in political contexts, where there may be many axes to grind with opponents – due to past issues.

The ascent
The ascent

In a previous post, I stated that in his personal quest to become president, Trump may have unleashed a complex divisive process in the country that may prove difficult to manage or change, when he is president… and that trying to lead a divided nation may prove to be more complex and challenging than dealing with immigration issues, threats of terrorism, or international trade relations with other countries.

Trump is dealing with legitimacy issues and is struggling to gain credibility.

In his desperate attempt to salvage credibility he is unleashing self-defeating processes that continually undermine his worthiness by:

  • fabricating stories (as if fact), to portray an image of success
  • attacking the press to negate their perspective of an event
  • impulsively signing executive orders to prove that he is a president that acts
  • ongoing social media tweets that reflect a defensive immaturity
  • publicly attacking other leaders (past and present)
  • denying the bubbling stories around his (or his team’s) relationship and involvement with Russia during and after his presidential campaign

Trump activates controversy and chaos in relationships. In short, he creates drama. He has a disruptive and divisive energy flow that may have succeeded in business as he gained the upper hand over a competitor. He appears to have many hidden agendas and given his modus operandi, others will not trust him. While he could dictate how he would do business with others, by hiring and firing who and when he wanted to, he is now finding that he cannot control the opinions of others around him.

Trump is not mindful of what he says and how he says it, especially with regard to indisputable facts. He does not fully comprehend the impact of what he says. Trump seems to believe that there is a fixed reality according to his perspective, which everyone needs to agree with. He does not seem to understand and accept that in this age of information flow, everyone has an opinion and interpretation of an event.

For now, Trump is teetering on the edge. In time, he will reveal more and more of himself. Over the past couple of weeks it has become clear that drama, distraction and fabrication will be drivers of his information flow. In the process, however, he may need to guard against digging himself in a hole from which it will be impossible to emerge.

Trump continually suggests that he is and will be, the most successful president of the United States of America. In a rather paradoxical way, he needs to understand that humility and ethics can start a process in which he slowly gains some credibility, however small. Without this, he is doomed to fail.

In the end, only the people will decide whether he is credible or not.

Scarcity and unpredictable intrusion

Food is scarce in the cold, snowy regions of Germany. The climate is harsh and the challenge for most of the living species is to ensure that they can survive this unforgiving environment. While the survival of the fittest and strongest definitely applies, there may be one or two unexpected moments in getting or losing food that becomes part of the story.

The steal

The group of crows were happily feeding on a small piece of food. Out of the blue, a red kite descended onto the group, stealing what little food was available. The sudden, unexpected arrival of the red kite was its main weapon as it activated a chaotic reaction within the group.

Just as quickly as it arrived, the kite was off again making its way into the sky with the food in its mouth.

The steal

The pursuit

One of the crows was able to orientate itself quickly and gave chase. It had some distance to make up, but seemed to have a focused determination to catch the intruder.

The pursuit

The drop

The crow managed to get close to the kite and did everything to harass it. After a couple of seconds of harassment, the crow seemed to tire, lose heart and/or lose interest in challenging the bigger predator, and turned away to fly towards the group still on the ground.

As the very moment when the crow turned its attention away from the kite, I saw it drop the piece of food. Maybe it lost concentration or maybe it was the unexpected relief that it was not being continually attacked by the crow that resulted in the drop. While there also may be the possibility that the food may not have been to its liking, the shocked look in its eyes suggested otherwise.

The drop

As the food landed on the ground, the group of crows made their way across to its location and continued their meal as if nothing had ever happened. Such is the nature of nature; harmonious energy returns without any indication of that past moment when the sudden explosion of unpredictable intrusion disrupted the natural relaxed order.

Discernment, drama and deception

According to Keyes, we are living in the post-truth era where the border between ‘truth’ and ‘lie’ is conveniently blurred. Society has been conditioned to tolerate this and in the process some of us may have lost our ability to discern right from wrong, fact from fiction. As a consequence, honesty in relationships has been seriously undermined.

Recently, a client told me that she usually felt emotionally worse after going onto Facebook. She felt that there were a number of friends who were in competition with her and had been posting experiences and events that conveyed the fundamental message of ‘look at me, my life is more important, interesting and stimulating than yours is’. In our conversation, my client made it known that a lot of what had been posted by her friends was not true since she had actually been to many of the events that were being referred to in the postings. There seemed to be a major discrepancy in what some of her friends had written about and her own perception of those same experiences. This was proving to be emotionally unsettling for her and was creating doubts regarding her own perceptions. In turn, this was having an impact on her self worth and confidence.

Alone and homeless in San Diego
Alone and homeless in San Diego

We need to guard against losing our ability to discern what is useful, meaningful and relevant when swimming in the vast sea of information that is being spewed out by all of the social media vehicles.

Unlike in the pre-information age, everyone now has a platform to voice their perspective on anything they choose. One can easily create and construct stories around who you are and what you do. For those who are emotionally insecure or need social recognition there may be a strong desire to impress and show importance. In such cases, drama, deception and embellishment may lie at the foundation of what is revealed. This usually occurs on the unconscious level, with little or no insight or concern regarding how others may interpret what has been said.

The creation of self is determined by an ongoing stream of events or experiences that come to make up a personal story. However, this creation cannot unfold in a vacuum. It needs an audience that listens, sees and witnesses what is being actioned and/or proposed.

Before the advent of social media, the construction of self took time and required hard work through actions whilst interacting in a family and/or community. Actions spoke far louder than words. Honesty and integrity were at the foundation of how one tried to live one’s life.

In therapy, I am witness to many life stories. I am aware that there is no single fixed reality and truth in what is being perceived and revealed in conversation. However, I have noticed that my clients begin to feel empowered and want to make the necessary changes in their lives when they:

  1. realise and understand that everyone is busy creating and constructing a story of self,
  2. become curious and aware of how they are constructing their own story,
  3. have the courage to reveal and explore some of the destructive assumptions, lies and beliefs that made up their own construction,
  4. begin to re-author their personal story in a more meaningful and relevant way by consciously working on changing behaviours that have been destructive and self-defeating,
  5. align themselves to their own inner truth to guide their actions.

Leading a Divided States of America

Donald Trump will be the next president of the Divided States of America.

Rising moon over the Alps
Rising moon over the Alps

Many years ago I facilitated a Tenth grade group discussion about Apocalypse Now, the epic film about the Vietnam war. There was much debate about the methods of Colonel Kurtz, the insane officer who broke away from the army establishment to fight his own war. For Kurtz, there were no humane rules when it came to fighting the enemy. He argued that the only way you could defeat the enemy was to align yourself more purposefully to the brutality of war than your enemy was able to do. ‘Horror has a face…and you must make a friend of horror’. He spoke about the ingenuity of the enemy who had hacked off the arms of children in a village since they had accepted help from the Americans, ‘…these men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love…but they had the strength…the strength…to do that’.

Kurtz shared a frightening insight: ‘If I had ten divisions of those men, our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral…and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling…without passion…without judgment! Because it’s judgment that defeats us’.

The world of politics is full of deception, denials and hypocrisy. If we follow Colonel Kurtz’s logic, then Donald Trump played the political game to perfection. He should not be judged for his (a) perverse opinions of women, minorities and/or less fortunate human beings, (b) demeaning personal attacks on his opponents, (c) inflaming emotionality around sensitive issues that do not have simple solutions (such as immigration, terrorism, economic recession) and (d) neglecting and/or refusing to logically debate any issue that he was confronted with by the press, debate moderators or political opponents.

In his presidential campaign Trump said a lot of things. Like most politicians, soon he will forget what he said and/or deny that he said what he said. In time, even his own supporters will forget what was said, as they return to their unchanged lives, having to deal with the same issues that were around for decades. But what if he remembers a little of what he had said? Will he then act on his words? The chances are slim, since the nature of politics is to talk a lot and then to selectively forget what was spoken about. Actions may or may not follow, depending on the reality of the financial constraints that are at play.

In my experience as a therapist, I have come to see that words can belittle or they can uplift. Words are never forgotten if they have caused pain or more positively, given hope and meaning in times of despair. Words have a power that should never be underestimated. Besides the actual words, it is also the intention and energy that underpins what is being said that defines how the words are being received by others.

In his personal quest to become president, Trump may have unleashed a complex divisive process in the country that may prove difficult to manage and/or change. As the president of the Divided States of America, he is now faced with the challenge of uniting and healing a nation, not to mention, bringing together members of his own party that have been alienated in the process. There will be many people who will not forget what he has said. Given this, he will find it near impossible to win over their hearts and gain their respect. Trying to lead a divided nation may be more complex and challenging than dealing with immigration issues, threats of terrorism, and/or international trade relations with other countries that may be skeptical and mistrusting of one’s motives.